This Pillow Is Really Uncomfortable

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: This pillow is really uncomfortable.

Me: It’s fine. Go to sleep.

VIT: Fluff it for me.

Me: Fine. There, I fluffed it.

VIT: I mean, how old is it anyway?

Me: Who cares?

VIT: You know that pillows, like, quadruple in weight every day because they get so full of dust mites, right?

Me: They do not quadruple in weight every day.

VIT: That’s what the guy at Denver Mattress said.

Me: I think you misheard.

VIT: No, I’m pretty sure he said it quadruples.

Me: If it quadrupled in weight every day, this pillow would weigh like, 120 pounds. It doesn’t, so go to sleep.

VIT: ……

VIT: I wish I weighed 120 pounds…

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32 thoughts on “This Pillow Is Really Uncomfortable

    1. I wish this ACTUALLY worked so that I could add people or read their blogs. Blah. I’d love to write about what keeps me up at night. You keep it nice and simple with 2 voices. If I attempted the random thoughts and conversations from 12 perspectives, I’d get lost myself. Down the rabbit hole. No Jabberwocky’s for you yet. I only have the one reader to drive mad, after all.

      Liked by 3 people

  1. Funny. My pillows talk to me too. “Why the h__ am I on the floor. Under the dog.”, or “I just got comfortable and now you want to pull it back from under you wife’s head to yours.” And my favorite. “just as you finally hit that sweet sleep spot.BAM! Wake up. it’s dog-walking time!”

    Liked by 2 people

  2. VIT… Such a demanding little diva.

    Off topic – have you ever listened to the Sleep With Me podcast? It’s a dude who talks about the boringest shit on the planet to bore you to sleep. One night I woke up to him re-telling the Back to the Future. Another, he talked about apples – pretty much Wikipedia verbatim. Anywho. I feel like you’d get a kick out of it. Unless it cures your insomnia – because this blog is hilarious and needs to continue.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Omg! Lmfao. That last line is EVERYTHING!!!!! 😂 fucking pillows lol sometimes I end up without a pillow at ALL and I wake up very very confused because clearly someone is stealing my fucking pillow while I sleep! So annoying. Awesome. These posts are fucking funny and short and snappy and I love them!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. That guy would say anything to make you buy a pillow off him! It’s just a sales pitch, be strong, resist! From odd circumstances I have two different pillows – should I try to match up? Nah. One’s more comfy for sleeping on my side, the other is thinner but I’ve gradually found myself sleeping more on my back. Best of both worlds 😪


  5. My tried and tested technique is to allow the thoughts to come! If my brain wants me to reconsider the Iraq war at 12am, who am I to argue. I always sleep well in the end.

    I only sleep badly when I worry “oh god, it’s 1am and I should be asleep by now” and try to force my brain to be quiet. Never works. Let the thoughts in. Calm down. And sleep shall come.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Just discovered your blog. Excellent idea/format.
    I spend many daytime hours thinking about Tempur pillows and wondering whether they would dispense with the fluffing problem, if they would help my aching bones, and if they would stop me rolling onto my back and snoring and annoying my partner… And then I think about their price and try and stop thinking about them any more…

    Liked by 1 person

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